Sex is supposed to be fun, a lot of fun, but it's hard to feel sexy or be intimate when you have a sexual performance anxiety. When you're constantly wondering, "Am I doing this right?" "Is my partner enjoying this?" “Am I good enough?” or "Do I look fat?" you become too preoccupied to enjoy sex. Constant worry over your appearance or your ability, or a past experience can make sex stressful and nerve-wracking. It can even make you want to avoid having sex. Sex is more than just a physical response. Arousal is tied into your emotions too. When your mind is too stressed out to focus on sex, your body cannot get excited either, you can feel like a failure. You tell yourself all your friends are at it, why does this happen to me, you get angry and irritable and start to make excuses.
It does happen, and it is a big deal. It is one of the least talked about problems and one of the most emotionally debilitating. and men rarely, if ever, talk about it. In my practice in Carshalton I have worked with many men for who the problem of sexual anxiety is the big secret in their lives. Often they are highly confident and successful in other areas, but they hide this one sexual anxiety problem.
Erectile Dysfunction can be the result of physical causes, for which you need to see a doctor, but it is not always, there are times when it happens because of work stress, a major emotional upset, a relationship change, or a whole range of other stuff that does not have a specific physical cause. That is the time to contact me.
'and then there is the problem of Premature Ejaculation. It can be the result of some medical conditions, for which you need to go and see a doctor, however psychological factors such as anxiety, guilt, stress, or depressive moods can cause premature ejaculation.
So far, I have never been asked to help with female sex anxiety issues. If I ever were, I would initially decline and refer on to a really good female therapist I know of in Essex. The simple reason is, I am a man, and therefore I have only a limited ability to appreciate and understand any of the sexual anxiety issues a woman would have to deal with. Yes, it is true, I would be very curious to work with such a patient to better my understanding, however satisfying my inquisitiveness is not what this is all about, it is about providing the best possible outcome for my clients. Trauma, anxiety, and stress resulting from rape, sexual abuse, and childhood sexual abuses are very different things. These are areas I have experience of working with and, and with a great deal of care, I would address these areas again with a client, male or female.
